I suppose the title of the post sounds pretty whiny. It's not like I'm the only single mom out there or even that my situation is unique. Yesterday was a tough day though. I struggle with balancing my home, keeping it going and continuing to work full time to provide for us. I've been working with a trainer consistently the last few weeks which has been great for me physically and mentally too. I truck my kids along and they've now become familiar faces among the staff and other members as well. My trainer has been on my case to find someone to consistently watch my kids for a couple of hours each week to give me some "me" time whether I feel like I need it or not. It would essentially force me to take some time for myself. I've been working on finding some childcare to help with that.
Last night was a good trial run. Two of my co-workers, whom I haven't spent any time with for a very long time, and I went out for dinner here in town last night. We started off by getting pedicures. I'll tell you the pretty toes are just a bonus. After sitting in the massage chair and having my feet rubbed I was ready for bed I was so relaxed.
As we sat through dinner catching up, I couldn't help but to acknowledge that they're both married with children and their husbands were at home caring for the kids to afford them a much deserved night out. Both mommies work very hard to provide and care for their families as well. I have to admit it left me feeling a little empty or lonely if you will. No marriage is perfect but the bottom line is they were going home to their partner in life.
We stayed out about 30 minutes past when I told the kids I would be home. So when I walked in the door a little after 9 last night the boys were upset to say it kindly. We got the sitter home and headed upstairs to get ready for bed. Along the way, I heard everything from.... "you said you would be home by bed time!".........."you never do xyz"........"you're the worst mom ever". Yes, those phrases came from my cherubs mouths. Now while, I realize they're children and really have no idea how hurtful that tone and those words are, I have to say I was pretty hurt. A lot actually. That cut me pretty deep last night. I was already feeling a huge void where my spouse was supposed to be and that sort of capped it off for me. Left me wondering how it is that I'm supposed to manage it all. How do I find time for a social life let alone to ever even consider the possibility of dating in the future? How do I manage to care for me and care for them too? How does one take care of self and all it entails so that you can be your best self?
I'm thankful that today is a new day where do-overs are possible. Here's to the ups and downs of grief and figuring life out as a single mom. Here's to picking up the pieces.
Incredible and unbelievable, my hubby dumped me for another woman after 5years of marriage, i was heart broken my business collapse as a result of too many thoughts, I felt like killing myself until a friend of mine introduce me to dr.wadada solution home of spell, at first I didn't believe but I was persuaded with the testimony of him on how he has help people to bring their Ex-back, restore lost jobs, Heal sickness/Infections, help to win lottery/Election, spell for office promotion, spell to win court cases. With all this I decided to give it a try, I contacted him and explain all my problems to him, he told me not to worry just to believe in him that my hubby will be back after 48hours of his rescue spell on him, exactly after his words things began to manifest my hubby came back and my business was restored with a change, I'm a happy person again. You can contact him on dr.wadadaspirit@gmail.com. Truly he is God sent continue your good work sir with the public.
ReplyDelete