Danny's Birthday

A week ago Saturday, on July 18th, we marked another first off our list. It was Danny's 46th birthday. Leading up to that date I found I had some real anxiety. The resounding question was do I celebrate his birthday for the kids and I or do I let it go by unnoticed? What was the healthiest decision for all of us? Would it help the healing process or make it worse? Round and round I went on it. One thing I knew without a doubt was that I absolutely did not want to be at home by ourselves that day. It worked out fabulously because it also happened to be Chief Wapello Days. Thus we decided to invade Jo's house for the weekend. She is and continues to be such an angel and source of support for all of us. I was also blessed with a number of thoughtful emails and texts that day offering support for the kids and I to get through the day.

The kids all seemed to do quite well in getting through the weekend. Aidan spent the weekend vomiting, purely a stress reaction in dealing with Danny's birthday. The same thing happened during the visitation and funeral. As an adult, I know I struggle at times to put my emotions in to words. I can't imaging trying to process through grief as a child; let alone trying to express how they feel.

Saturday, the kids all somehow managed to nap at the same time. I opted to put on a suit and float in Jo's pool for a while. She opted to hang out in the living room relaxing. At first I thought certainly she'd come out to join me. That girl just seems to know though. Instead I had an hour to float in solitude. An hour to reflect on all things Danny and the 15 years of memories we had together. An hour to shed tears unseen. An hour to be prayerful. An hour to count my blessings. An hour to dream about the kids and I finding life and a new normal again. That pool and the hour I had in the sunshine was the best therapy in dealing with marking this first.

We enjoyed a birthday cake and blew out candles for daddy after supper. We also made a trip to the cemetery to see where Grandma Nita and Grandpa Leonard are buried. None of the kids or I had seen Grandma Nita's headstone yet. They thought it was pretty special that their names had been engraved on the stone. Then we braved the heat and took in the local rodeo. When we'd had our fill of cowboys, mud, broncs and calves, we headed back to Aunt Jo's for a night cap in the swimming pool. Swimming under the stars was an absolute blast!