A week ago at this time I'd spent most of the night up and down with Danny medicating him through the night and trekking back upstairs when one of the kiddos woke up and needed something. I'd somehow managed to still get up and hit the treadmill and shower. I remember thinking it's a good thing God gives us the strength we need to get through the day because I should be completely wiped out and yet I didn't feel that way at all. I had no idea what January 29th, 2015, would have in store for the Eversmeyer family.
I'd come home on Monday and deployed my Family Medical Leave so that I could stay home to care for Danny full time. Monday was a very tough day for me personally as it meant I could no longer deny the inevitable even though I knew it to be true - I was coming home to watch my husband die. It also meant having yet another unhappy and uncomfortable conversation with the boys about why I was home in the middle of the day from work. I was home to take care of Daddy because Daddy was going to die soon. Ugh! We spent time cuddling and answering questions that only innocent and unfiltered children will ask. Some make you laugh and some sucker punch you right in the gut.
By now, there were always 2 adults in the house to help care for the little people and Danny. My mom was here by 8. Danny was noticeably less responsive this morning than he'd been even last night. His eyes were closed nearly all the time now even when he wasn't sleeping. He'd still grunt or attempt to answer yes/no questions - particularly when trying to medicate him. We'd transitioned to all concentrated liquids on Monday which made it much easier for Danny to get his pain controlled.
At 0900, Pastor Rod and Sam came to see Danny and took the time to pray with him. It wasn't as though Danny hadn't had multiple pastors and friends pray with him in the recent days and weeks but for whatever reason when they got here it was at though my soul finally found peace. Perhaps I needed that specific prayer even more than Danny did.
Our nurse, Jill, arrived just in time to participate in that prayer. Rod and Sam left and Jill and I spent time catching her up on how quickly things had change since last weekend when she left to celebrate her anniversary. She assessed Danny and then we spent time formulating a game plan for the upcoming days. By this time, we'd been told to anticipate 7-10 days. I think as a family we were sort of anticipating the weekend being his time as everyone had planned to come stay at the house. You know, sort of a surrounded by your family and full of love thing. Before Jill left, she placed her hand over Danny's heart and said..... "Now Danny don't you be waiting. If you're ready to go, you just go on ahead and go. Your family loves you. They've all been here to see you. They're prepared. So if you're done fighting, it's ok. You just go on ahead and go home." (The previous Friday, he'd told Mike Reynolds he was ready to go. Tuesday, he repeated to me multiple times that he was ready to go home.)
Since we'd been told his time would be soon I had an appointment with Tim Olson at 1130 that day to start the planning process. While I was gone, Barb Vroom and Melisa McConnell had come to stay with mom. How fortunate was Danny to be cared for nurses nearly 24/7?! I came home and the gals had turned him and got him comfy. Mike Reynolds came by about that time to see Danny too. This was around 1400. The gals had noticed that Danny had gotten a little gurgly when they last moved him. He'd done this in the past and it cleared up so I didn't think much of it. The four of us freshened Danny up and repositioned him one last time before they all left.
The gurgling didn't stop though and seemed to just amplify. I noticed he was breathing a little harder than normal as well. We'd been warned about the "death rattle" but being as how I work in an ER I'd never really heard this unmistakable sound so I didn't know what I was really looking for. I'd started Danny on some Hyosine drops to help dry him up along with his morphine and ativan.
Brenda, our bath aid, came shortly before 4. I gave her a little briefing about him before she went in and told her I needed an honest assessment. I didn't want to alarm family or panic unless it was warranted. Brenda walked in to see Danny and immediately called Jill. (First red flag) Kori, Danny's niece that had been staying through the nights with me, got home from work about that time as well. She didn't make it past the first door way before she got wide eyed and said "that's the sound". (Second red flag) Danny's body was also starting to show signs that he was working on growing his wings. Brenda told us that it was pretty likely he would die that night but since he was so young it might not be for 24 hours yet. She cleaned him up and made him look super handsome like she always did. We repositioned him again and he finally looked comfortable and seemed to rest a little easier. God had us even then. Brenda was late getting there that day for a reason. It wasn't an accident.
We got busy notifying the rest of the family and trying to formulate a plan as things had just been drastically changed on us. Eversmeyer took Jill serious when she told him he could go. Danny's last visitor left shortly before 6.
Around 1810, I crawled in bed where I could wrap my arms around Danny and hold his hands. Our guardian angels were helping with the kiddos by now. It was a beautiful time to be able to whisper to him and say all the things I wanted him to know. I tried to permanently record in my mind what it felt like to hold his hand, smell his cologne and listen to his heartbeat realizing he was soon going to be set free from his pain. At 1836, Danny took his last breath and earned his wings. Life suddenly changed forever.
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