One Month Ago

One month ago today our lives were changed for eternity. Danny earned his angel wings at 6:36 pm. The kids and I earned titles too -- widow and fatherless - 2 titles no one should have to have placed on them. We continue to miss Danny something fierce but are working to find a new normal and figure out how to live life again as we know that's what Daddy would have wanted us to do. We choose to believe that God had a plan for Danny and He still has a plan for the kids and I. Some days it's easier to hang on to that than others.

Today we've talked a lot about Daddy in our house. Our morning started off with Ainsley talking about Daddy giving us Chase (our puppy). At the same time she realized that Daddy is now in heaven. Thus she arrived at the conclusion that we all need to die and go to heaven so that we can take Chase and go see Daddy. Sweet girl!

The boys saw the grief therapist today and got great reports. Avery drew a cute picture of his entire family. In our travels to see the therapist the boys discussed being able to build a time machine so that we could turn the time back and still have a chance to see and talk to Daddy again. Don't we all wish it was so simple and easy?!

Aidan is the oldest kiddo in this house and obviously processes his grief differently than the other two. Summer of course, processes differently than all 3 of them. Today Aidan talked about being embarrassed that other kids have a dad and he doesn't. This isn't the first time either one of the boys have brought this up. Today I took the opportunity to talk about other families and different dynamics they may be faced with. Even though we feel right now like we're the only family that's ever had to go through anything like this, sadly, we're not the only ones to find ourselves in this scenario. And so we have to look for the positives even when they're covered by sad feelings and negativity.

Aidan has also been really struggling with just how cancer works and people die from it. How difficult it must be to try to understand it all in a 7 year old brain! Today he was convinced that he and Avery will get cancer some day and die just like daddy and his daddy. When you're saying your prayers, you could say an extra one for him with this topic and maybe for a little extra wisdom for me in how to navigate this issue with him. Because when he asks me "How do you know I won't get it?", well, that's tough.