I'm hanging on to this quote this morning as I'm about to put the scrubs back on and face what I've been dreading. Like I've told so many others, I miss my patients and co-workers but I'm not just going back to work. I'm going to the place where Danny and I met. The place we worked together as partners. The place where we delivered our 3 babies. The place where everyone knows my story and what life has been like. The place where I'll be the walking reminder to all of our co-workers that we've lost one of our own.
Last night was the first night since Danny died that I actually slept through the night. I was still restless according to Fitbit but I finally got nearly 8 hours of sleep. It's amazing how different you feel!
I should mention that the dream I had last night was way out there! It was after the funeral and I'd gone back to the funeral home to see him one last time before they took him to the crematory. While I was talking to him Danny woke up, started talking and climbed out of the casket. I kept saying you can't do that, you shouldn't be able to do that, you've been embalmed! He just looked at me like he did so many times recently when he knew what he was trying to say and it came out wrong leaving me guessing what he meant - sort of a yeah, dummy, that's what I've been saying look. Except this time, it was yeah dummy, I know I've been embalmed. I remember running to find Tim and tell him what was happening. He just shrugged it off and said yeah, sometimes they do that. Let's get something to sedate him. Except, we couldn't find Danny. He'd gone in to hiding and we could only hear his ornery chuckle. Sort of a way to say......I may not be there physically but I'm still there watching over you? I don't know! That's how I choose to see it. His sick body is gone and has been completely restored, but his spirit lives on and he continues to be with us. Let's see what this day has in store!
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