Sooner or later

Sooner or later. That seems to be something I say frequently these days. Sooner or later I have to get back to reality. Sooner or later all these new firsts will be over. Sooner or later it will get easier. Today is definitely anything but sooner.

Sleep was nearly impossible last night and for a while I thought I was getting the stomach bug that had run through our house after Danny died. According to my buddy, Fitbit, I was awake 6x and restless 12x. On the positive, everyone woke up on the right side of the bed with smiles on their faces. Our second night in a sort of creepy house and we survived. Let me tell you about the tricks your mind can play on you when sleep is evading. Ha!

I hit 2 miles on the treadmill first thing this morning. Sweating it out does wonders for my mind right now. Seems a little odd but I'm amazed at how much better I feel when I'm done. Seriously, a noticeable difference. More energy. Slightly more ability to focus. A little more determination.

Today was my opportunity to deploy 'sooner' and get some firsts out of the way. First I opted to fill up the hoopty wagon with gas and then wash her up. After that I headed to the bank to do what I thought would be a couple of simple transactions. Boy was I wrong! All I wanted to do was deposit some of the memorial money and close Danny's checking account. I learned that despite the fact that I have his death certificate and his will naming me executor, it's not enough to close his account. Had I done it when he was living, I could've deployed my POA status and taken care of it. Go figure! Mind you, the amount of money in his checking account is miniscule. I learned that I may end up having to open an estate for the rough sum of $100 bucks just to take care of it. As one can imagine, my blood pressure was elevated and I was less than happy walking out of there. My buddy Mike's Hard Lemonade was there to help me out when I got home around lunch. In conversation with my lawyer today, I got some direction and hopefully tomorrow will attack this legal business with a new determination. But tonight, it's all I can do to not take his debit card and just go transfer all the money to another account or withdraw it altogether. Now who wins?! Although, knowing my luck the police would end up at my door with an arrest warrant for fraud or identity theft or some such crazy charge. So for now, I'll play by the rules. Just be warned, tomorrow had better go better or I'm likely to flip my tree limbs at some poor unsuspecting soul. This is the crud that makes people go postal. So the moral of the story for anyone reading this is to get all your accounts closed out and transferred over before they are passed.

After lunch I decided to tackle the grocery store. I've pretty well avoided it long enough that there was no getting around it. So fine. I can do this right? Just don't make eye contact. It's middle of the day. There won't be many folks there that you know. Except it's Mt Pleasant. It's a small town and everyone knows you. I got stopped 4 times in the store. 4! This, my friends, was precisely why I'd been avoiding going in the first place. It wasn't as horribly awkward as I'd envisioned but it certainly wasn't easy either. Hey! It's one more first out of the way.

The rest of the day went fabulously. Angel Beth and my mom went to town going through all my food and cupboards to get things organized. My little floral shop got the help it needed as well. Plants have been distributed throughout the house now. There are little reminders of Danny everywhere. I've learned and continue to see just how much I need other's help right now. I sure as heck couldn't be doing this all alone. Summer came to see us today too! Extra bonus. We always feel better when she's here. Papaw came to have dinner and wrestle. Kori came and is planning to stay with us. The house already feels less spooky.

The best gift of all today was seeing my dear co-worker Jacob. He brought a sweet card from my work family that brought me to tears. I know I've already said it but it's at a time like this when all the cards are down that you find out who really has your back. My work family does. It's been repeatedly demonstrated to us throughout Danny's journey. I'm so incredibly thankful to call them mine!

So sooner or later, we will begin to find our way. Our new normal. One first. One experience. One day at a time.

Aidan wrote this on my window this morning. It says, "I love you mom mor then ine thing"

The kids did well yesterday. Avery got great reports from his teachers about how smoothly the day went at school. Aidan seems to be picking right up as well. Ainsley even got in on some school today. Summer's second day back to school was a little easier than the first.  All in all, today was a pretty great day for them. We're blessed!